Why, I remember back in 89...QUICK TURN ON THE RADIO GRANDPA'S REMEMBERING!
The curious collection of quotes of Kitty's.
(say that three times fast)
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone."
"I plan on living forever. So far, so good."
"In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday."
"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
"Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand."
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
"This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extereme violence."
Guard: You're telling me you're an investigator?
Kitty: More or less.
Guard: Where's your license?
Kitty: That's the less part.
I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it where I was nearly tortured to death.
Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Blow your mind, smoke gunpowder.
Dead people are cool.
Keep Sweden tidy, shoot a tourist.
Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" ...until you can find a rock.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.
The place looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls. What? This is my home world? That explains a lot.
Order is for idiots, geniuses can handle chaos.
The question is not if you are paranoid, it is if you are paranoid enough.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
I will endure all this subhuman driveling shit with a smile.
Congratulations! You get a chocolate bunny with its eyes bitten out!
Sometimes, you can't help inhaling someone's aroma.
What?! What's this? Random act of kindness?! From Simoriah?! Kitty confused...
Death lingers in fragrance form for quite some time.
Now is not the time to be practicing your evil super villain laugh.
He's the kind of person who uses fruity soaps.
It's too late to be normal.
He spent all his money on Jolt Cola, drank it all, stacked the cans in the middle of the room, numbered them, and got upset if one was out of order.
You are talking to the wall.
Kitty: Where's the money, Page?
Page: The money is gone.
Kitty: I know it's GONE, where's it gone to?
Page: Vegas.
Kitty: Vegas?
Page: Yeah.
Kitty: What's it DOING in Vegas?
Page: Re-circulating!
Kitty: Sigh, another day has gone by.
Hatch: Why shouldn't it? We sure did nothing to stop it.
Kitty: yes, it's a beautiful island,
full of native and wondrous things...
Sim: all of which you can buy
at the gift shop right over there!
Kitty: As you can see, this BEAUTIFUL antique home,
with all the comforts of home. Just don't step on the floor here.
Person1: Why not?
Kitty: It's rotten...
Person2 [looking at spiderweb]: What's this?
Kitty: Um, a hammock.
Person2: I don't get it.
Kitty: *SIGH* I hate this job.
kitty: i hate telivision. there are too many commercials, reruns and gameshows
sim:yeah, the eighteen hours we watched yesterday were terrible
tv: stay tuned for 'watching paint dry'
sim:damn!
kitty:yeah. they primped 'watching grass grow'
You can't fall off the floor.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
"Bother," said Pooh as the brakes went out.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.
If ever you should need my life, come and take it.
When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Lucas:Huh? Oh, I just got lost in thought.
Kitty: Why? Was it was unfamiliar territory?
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Out of my mind, ...be back in five minutes.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
The more innocent and cute people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.
The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.
Those who judge others will burn in Hell!
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. Fortunately I don't like understatements.
Death to all fanatics!
I always wanted to be a procrastinator!
Rehab is for quitters!
Some people talk so fast that forget to include
I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator... never got around to it.
I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I haven't.
Pride of nationality depends not on ignorance of other nations, but on ignorance of one's own.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming. Fortunately, I'm still a good shot.
No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be ran away from.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks.
Back on my planet, National Atheism Day was April 1st.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. No offence.
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
Military intelligence is the mother of oxymoron.
Never judge a book by it's movie.
If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in talking.
They spend the first twelve months of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the next twelve telling us to sit down and shut up.
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Kids seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
Traffic signals are just rough guidelines.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead.
Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, while others will leave a stain.
Don't be so humble, you're not that great!
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
Lucas: The early bird gets the worm.
Kitty: Yeah, but the early worm gets eaten. Go away.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. (looking at Lucas)
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
No, officer. I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!
There comes a time in every woman's life, and I've had many of them...
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
I feel that my whole life was some kind of dream and I sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
Kitty:We are sorry to announce that Mr. Lucas Walenzcheck has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover.
Lucas: Ok that scares me.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Lucas said I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
I filled out an application that said, "In Case of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Ah yes, the wizard of Oz. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Cain, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Whenever two men meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man was the other sees him, and each man as he really is.
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust men.
There are easier things in life than behind God's mercenary. Nailing Jell-o to a tree for instance.
Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.
Friends. People who know you well, but like you anyway.
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. A life sentence! You never know what real happiness is until you get married and by then, it’s too late.
(while insane) YOU ALL MUST DIE! Especially the blonde one.
Poor villagers, they are so flammable, yet smolder for so long after death.
It is ridiculous claiming that video games and internet influence children. For instance, if Pac-man affected kids,
we should by now have a bunch of teenagers who run around in darkened rooms and eat pills while listening to monotonous electronic music.
I didn't mean for him to take the insult personally!
My opinions may have changed...but not that fact that I am right.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Lucas: They all laughed at Albert Einstein. They all laughed at Columbus.
Kitty: Unfortunately, they also all laughed at Bozo the Clown.
If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E".
Life is one of those things that most of us find very difficult to avoid.
Returning from the dead wasn't all that I expected... but that's life.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
You know what's really embarrassing? If someone tries to kill you while you're on a date.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
Kitty: You're going to pay for what you did to these people!
Lex: How? They’re all dead.
Kitty: I'll make you pay!
Lex: My, how courageous! You speak as if I'm going to lose!
Kitty: Run Hatch, run!
Lex: Yes, why don't you do as she says and run, screaming in terror. Don't you value your precious life?
Kitty: Life will go on! There will always be people, and dreams!
Lex: No! I will hunt them down. I will destroy them all! Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!
Kitty: We will not allow you to harm another living thing.
Lex: Mwe, hee, hee! But what fun is destruction if no "precious" lives are lost!
Kitty: You're still alive.
Lex: But of course! You think a minor thing like the end of the world was going to do me in?
The Reaper is always a step behind me...
People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished.
These days, all it takes for your dreams to come true is money and power.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win a war by making the other son-of-a-bitch die for his.
If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!
Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I say if they've got itsy-bitsy feet or some kind of foot disease, I don't wanna know 'em!
Never buy anything that has a handle, eats, needs painting, or has babies.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
When in doubt empty the magazine.
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
"You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
We don't want a thing because we have found a reason for it - we find a reason for it because we want it.
Tracers work both ways.
Who *cares* if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?
The easy way is always mined.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's about as exciting as my wall.
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
In The Beginning there was nothing, which exploded
Sim Quotes
Ewwww, Lambchop. How old is that sock?! If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Kuroneko: Damn it! My head fell off!
Sim: What? Again?
some of these are mine. some i get from tv shows and stuff.---
"MIKA IS THE ANTICRIST!"
"here's a parting thought. a kind of humanitarion thing: please, if you ever see me getting beaten by the police, please put your video camera down and help me."
"if at first you don't succede, see if the loser gets anything."
[on the phone] "hello lucas? it is now 3 am. and do you know where i am?"[i love this one cause it's from back in theoriginal shockabuku days. unlike most storylines we started out at the middle-lucas and kitty jumping, latter joined by sim- and worked our way backwards and forwards.]
"it's been nice listening to your life story and all, but i have more important things to do...like translateing the dead sea scrolls..."
"people who say nothing is impossible should try garggling with their mouths shut."
"just stay out of my teritory or i'll kill you."
"but all i want is the dragonball!...and global domination...but right now just the dragonball!"
"don't think too hard on those insults or your brain might overload and set fire to your pants"
"shouldn't you tell him wrestleing is staged before he really hurts himself"
[sim's only american] teacher: yes simoriah?
sim: why aren't you teaching us the genders of nouns? is "desk" masculine? is "chair" feminin? forigen kids know, but we don't! no wonder we can't compete in a global market! i demand sex education!....wow. i wonder if her doctor knows she mixes all those medications.
"SURE. RUIN THE PICKLE ECONOMY."
"YOU WERE MOVING FASTER THAN A RACOON THROUGH BUTTER"-IRVINE
"STUPID SANITATION ENGENIERS."
"PIONERS WERE STUPID"
EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UP TO THE SAME BLOODY QUESTION "IS TODAY THE DAY I DIE?"
"HASN'T GOT A DEATH WISH? BITCH WON'T NEED ONE."
"The next time you're about to pick on a person who's smaller than you, remember this: Nature has a funny way of equalizing things. It's better to be nice. "
"When in doubt, beat your chest like a gorilla and proclaim to all around you, "I am not a hippopotamus! I am a human!" That should erase some doubt. "
"The end is near! In fact, it's right between your lower back and your thighs! "
Kitty: yes, it's a beautiful island,
full of native and wondrous things...
Sim: all of which you can buy
at the gift shop right over there!
Mom always said life is like a box of chocolates. You have to crush each one to find out what kind of goo is in the middle.
sim: (storming out of the oval office)
Lucas: sim, you can't do that.
sim: (opens door) and what's oing to stop me?
lucas: well, if you go that way the united states secret service. That's the presiden't private office.
sim: oh
i'll give the bride away if you kick her down the isle.
nurse:what's wrong?
sim:well, i have a dull head ache, and she's about to spew forth a human being from her loins [refering to trinity, who's in labor]
it'll be great! we'll stay up late, swap manly storries and in the morning, i'm makeing WAFFLES!
i'm FAT and FUZZY and it should be YOU!!!
You'd think that you'd at least get a T-shirt that says "I helped to prosecute a felon and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." or SOMETHING.
Smile and say "Flight from prosecution!"
I don't care what you say, I'm a city girl and those cows look dangerous.
Is it my perfume or something? Cause you're the second guy today tro assume that I want, need, and will accept help.
When a student wants to learn...you can just see a look in their eyes...of course there's a similar look that says "I'm going to slash your tires" but and experienced teacher knows the diffrence.
The sign said "Deastination here" My first thought was "That would be a perfect name for a movie" And my second thought was "Damn. I'm dead"
[to shinigami] "As the god of death you should know how to use a microphone!"
sim:I'm like cleopatra, only saiya-jin!
trin: they also called cleopatra" the whore of the nile"
sim:that sounds about right
kitty: the only thing on is lassie reruns. why don't you change the channel?
sim: i can't reach the remote
kitty:lassie's good
tv:what is it boy?
arf
did timmy fall into the well again?
arf! arf!
kitty:i say leave him down there
tv: lead me to him!
arf!
sim:good thinking. now you can throw the dog in too.
People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege. Lucas for instance
Lucas: Uh Sim? Why are you telling us this? Sim: Don’t ask. Just let me rant.
"The good, the bad, and the beautifully twisted"
Chang Wufei: why did you join OZ?
Simariah: well, breathtaking men and intelligent women
Chang Wufei: no really, why
Simariah: absolute power!
"Aren't I cute when I kill?"
"Don't keep making me repeat myself, it's bad for my health!"
"Don't expect to much, I change my mind a lot.”
"But...I'm a GIRL"
"There is no black, only shades of gray.”
*to Lucas* " Oops...you could have told me you were sleeping.”
"You won't get away...*boom!*
*to wufei* "So, your wife thought she was nataku? Well then, my dear, your
wife was an idiot.”
"I don't need any help! *turns around and walks off of a tall cliff*
"I really am an idiot aren't I?"
I have no name but if you have to call me something you can call me
Simariah...but 'master of the universe ' will be fine"
Trieze: Why have you been acting so weird lately?
Simariah: I'm pregnant
Trieze: I thought you have been putting on some weight
Simariah: *slap*
Trieze: Oooooooooooooooooch why did you do that?
Simariah: I was lying I’m not pregnant
Trieze: Oops. I'm going to die now huh?
Simariah: JUSTICE! I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT JUSTICE!!!
Lucas: Ummm...the drugs are wearing off and you are starting to scare
me...
Lucas: You know Kitty sometimes I worry about Simariah's sanity.
Kitty: What do you mean?
Lucas: Well, sometimes I think that Sim's happiest when she's in the
middle of a fight and she's getting the shit beat out of her.
Kitty: That's silly.
*Simariah stumbles in with a black eye and several bloody gashes on her
head and arms. her clothes are torn to shreds and her left arm is bending
the wrong way. plus, she has a really goofy smile*
Lucas: are you okay...?
Simariah: Never better! You should have seen it! It was glorious! I
kicked his ass and then this guy with a bat jumped me from behind and ...
it was beautiful man!...goodnight
*passes out*
I see.. you insult me and then you want me to answer your extremely dumb question.
We’re under attack!..By cows?
Sim: DAMN IT! Where’s my hair gel?!? I need my hair gel! GIVE IT TO ME!
Kitty: What happened to your hair? It's all hard and pointy and it’s sticking straight up.
Lucas: (entering from lab) Hey Sim! Oh, I used the last of your hair gel. I needed it for an experiment, I hope you don’t mind... WOW!
What happened to you?
Sim: WHY YOU...* lunges at Lucas and starts to strangle him*
If I actually knew you people I’d moo at you and hit you with a
kamehameha...oh well...MOOOOOOOOOOO...*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
Send me 50 lean muscular bodyguards or I'll KILL the president!
Brain no function, beer with out...
FREEDOM OF SPEECH BE DAMED!
Ohhhh, I'm shaking in my little space boots.
Beware of the pants.
Are these people really so blind that they cannot see their own
stupidity?
Didn’t I tell you...
Oops...
I FORGOT! SORRY!...
Pleeeeeeeeese let me kill him...Just let me put him out of his misery!
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!!
Asylum escapes are on the rise.
Ladies and gentlemen BEHOLD! The STUPIDEST man ALIVE!!! *Points to Lucas*
YOU'RE CUTE.
INSECTS WATCH OUT...FREAKS ON THE HORIZON!
Sim: Guess what Vegeta! I'm getting married!
Vegeta: Again?
Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt your pride?
SNEAKING IN WITHOUT NOTICE IS MY SPECIALTY...WELL ONE OF THEM
I AM NOT SOME KIND OF PLANT YOU PSYCHO! I'M A NAMEK...NO THAY ARE NOT THE SAME THING!
YOU NIT-WIT
SEND IN THE CLOWNS...
WOULD YOU CALL ME LITTLE ONI? I LIKE THAT...
SARCASM IS JUST LOST ON SOME PEOPLE
IT'S OKAY TO SHOOT SOMEONE ON THE FIRST DATE
BLACK ISN'T JUST A FASHION STATEMENT, IT'S A WAY OF LIFE
SCREW FIGHTING! I'M GOING BACK TO AMERICA!
I DON'T NEED THIS KIND OF STRESS!
BEAM ME UP SCOTTY
WHERE'S MY WIG?
DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!
NO! I'M REALLY OKAY! SEE! DON'T TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL! NOOOOO! THEY'LL GIVE ME A NEEDLE! ANYTHING BUT A NEEDLE!...WHAT! I AM NOT A BABY! EVERY TIME I GO TO THE HOSPITAL I COME HOME WITH A BABY! IF THAT HAPPENED TO YOU , YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO GO EITHER!...NO!!! LET ME GOOOOOOOOOO!
Trin Quotes
Please lower your voice. We are not on an after-school special.
trin: oh no! they're comming! they're...they're...
sim: ninja bunnies?
Trinity:I know! we can hit her [lex] with a bowling ball!
Sim: I brought my bowling shoes!
Shiroi: The god themselves do tremble.
Trin: If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
Sim: We might if they screamed all the time for no good reason.
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Shinwa Quotes
[i would like to say something here. shinwa is actually as innocent as he seems. he lived with pandora they didn't have sex. she didn't have to pay rent. WHY CAN'T THERE BE MORE GUYS OUT THERE LIKE THAT?!?!?!----ONI-CHAN]
Pandora: Tonight. Pheonix would like you to cook dinner to see how good of a cook you are."
Shinwa: I'd better go shopping then."
Pandora: Why? They have stuff there. What do you need?"
Shinwa: A fire proof suit and a calming potion."
"Mrs. Karr! Did you know your husband is a vampire?"
DAMN that's a big grill!
Galactina Quotes
Gala *who has probable just pissed somebody off*- "Nah nah! Gotta catch me first stupid. I said you gotta catch me! Not shoot at me with a freaken gun!
Gala- You know! Mrs. Strickler sucks!
Galiobo- Hmm! Did you just now realize that stupid?!
Gala- *hits Galiobo hard on the head* DAMN YOU!
Gala- I must be the coolest person on earth. *car rushes past her, nearly running her over* OK! Maybe not!
Gala- Get off the road you damn teacher!
Mixed Quotes
Page: Haggis is a kind of stuff black pudding eaten by the Scots and considered by them to be not only a delicacy but fit for human consumption. The minced heart, liver and lungs of a sheep, calf or other animal's inner organs are mixed with oatmeal, sealed and boiled in maw in the sheep's intestinal stomach-bag and...Excuse me a minute.
Mage: In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: Magic and bullshit.
Madi: Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Hatch: To the Hatch-mobile!
Madison: You mean the pod?
Hatch: ...yes...
Madi: The currancy reads "for sexual favors".
Hatch: In accordance with the prophecy.
Lucas: Hatch, am I right in thinking there is no body else in this house?
Hatch: Ummm, no.
Lucas: Then there is someone else in this house?
Hatch: No, sorry. I said no meaning yes.
Lucas: No meaning yes? Look I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there? Yes or no?
Hatch: Ummm, no.
Lucas: No there is, or no there isn't?
Hatch: Yes.
Madison: Why don't you take these and shove them up your ass?
Hatch: Because it would hurt a lot, sis.
Hatch: We can't do that!
Madison: How do you know? You never tried it.
Hatch: Well, yeah, but I've never tried shooting myself in the head either.
Kitty: Great, he's insane and he doesn't even want to do it.
Someone: "My God! These are incredible! How come I've never had these before?"
Hatch: "Oh I don't make them very often. It isn't fair to the other cookies."
Hatch: "When my time comes, I want to be buried at sea."
Mage: "Why?!"
Hatch: "It sounds like fun... Sure, you can make a day of it. Bring a picnic lunch...
Madison: "Brother, remember how we talked about saying things quietly to ourselves first?"
Hatch: "Yeah, but sometimes there's just not enough time."
Mage: "I got her machine."
Page: "Her answering machine?"
Mage: "No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."
Page: "Guess what, guess what!"
Mage: "The fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?"
Hatch: Quickly, to the super-secret, hidden, underground, subterranean, cavernous, lair-like hideaway headquarters!
Mage: You mean the basement?
Someone: Hatch, I'm afraid.
Hatch: Don't worry. I'll be beside you 'til the end.(he runs a sword their chest) Well, my job is done here.
Hatch: No body understands me! (points to Madi) Not you! (points to Mage) Not you! (points to Page) Not you! (point to Kitty) And not you! Sure maybe Mr. Winky understands me a little! But not you guys! (rushes out)
Kitty: (cooly sipping at her coffee) And that's a good thing.
Madi: Are you gay?
Mage: No.
Madi: Then why are you crossing your legs like that?
Mage: I'm not...anymore
Page: Grrr, how did you know I was cheating?
Kitty: Well you said five aces, it was kind of obvious.
Page: Looks like somebody needs to work on her magic skills
Mage: Shut up. How was I supposed to know that the spell would split the earth?
Trinity: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the, 'How to Get Rid of Nosy Reporters' move!
*She hits the man and he flies off-set*
Oneko: OOOhh!
Sim: That'll teach him to try and get top dibs on our secret moves...especially when we aim them at him!
Lex: I am the queen of the night, ruler of all dark things, master of evil!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Mashin(Kuroneko): And I am the evilest minion ever to appear on earth! The worst of the worst.
Shini: And I am...I am...darn it, I forgot my line!
Shini: Sit, stand, roll over. I said, roll OVER! Listen, I can't be the most powerful guy
in the universe if you don't listen to me! And you! You want to rule the world?! You can't even fetch the PAPER!
Kuro: I don't understand it but HEY if it doesn't catch me on fire I'm all for it!
Page: What ever the hell they put in this stuff, it sure works.
Kitty: Give me twenty bucks, and I'll surgically remove that foot from your mouth.
Neko: Hard to do if you're not anatomically correct.
Kitty: It's as if we survived a boat crash, only to find ourselves on an island full of man eating plants.
Kuro: That's it. My circuits just fried.
Neko: I think I may have short circuited something.
Lucas(when Neko was shot): Quick! Someone get me a car battery and some jumper-cables!
Neko: Life's no fun unless you try. Take me for instance, I'm always trying to find my marbles.
Hatch(to Gohan): Don't worry, you won't feel a thing...'til I jam this down your throat!
Page: It's a pornography store, I was buying pornography!
Hatch: "Aww, isn't that cute. He's trying to claw my eyes out!"
Hatch: "Oh...uh...I'm...uh, I'm on a road. Uh, looks like to be asphalt...um, oh, geez, tress, shrubs..uh, I'm directly under the Earth's sun...now!
Hatchet: "Hello. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."
Hatch: "Look Mage, you don't know what it's like-I'm the one out there putting his ass on the line. I'm not out of order, you're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put you hand in a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Mage, it's Chinatown!"
Mage: "Mom, just about everything is a sin. *holds up Bible* You ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."
Hatch: "Ah yes, the month of the kilt. Now the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle we donned a full-length ball gown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury."
Lex: "Life...is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, involuntarily gift that no one ever asks for. Un-returnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly un-definable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching a planet blow up. Sure, once in a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you're left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts, which if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper wrappers."
Oniko: "He's doing something to his ass...he's not kicking his ass but he's definitely doing something to his ass..."
Hatch: At lunchtime, I like to sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Hatch: You want fries with that?
Page: Join me in a little synchronized chair dancing!
Mage: What sex are you?
Page: I would have injected vitamin C if only they had made it illegal!
Mage (on drugs): It's an alternate universe man, completely unlike the one we know, filled with big blonde guys who eat ivy and row boats.
Hatch: I am the master, you are the slave! (makes binging noise) You are under my power!
Mage: "If you tried something like that on our birthday, you'd be staring down the business end of a hissy fit."
Page: "Oh, look, it's the woman we ordered."
Lucas: "Could we get some help here? It's kind of an emergency. But I guess you knew that, or else we'd be in the Predicament Room."
Hatch: "Um, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly, you know? - I mean, and not in a good way."
Page: "Now go away so we can talk about you."
Hatch: That girl just said I was a sex magnet...no wonder I can't wear a digital watch!"
Niko: I detect a mushroom essence.
Kitty: Congratulations! You get a chocolate bunny with its eyes bitten out!
Hatch: They froze the monkey!
Kitty: Sometimes, you can't help inhaling someone's aroma.
Lucas: Cheese in the crust, how fascinating!
Hatch: All I need is the illuminated M from the McDonald's sign and my plans for world domination will be complete, BWA-HA-HA-Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mage: I seem to have moistened myself.
Trin: Please lower your voice. We are not on an after-school special.
Mage: Great, so now I'm not good enough to be kicked in the balls?!
Hatch: "See, guys, to be really hardcore, you have to bleed. From the head."
Lucas: "I don't know if it's that funny, or if we're that tired."
Page: "...so I had to tell him like five times, 'Dude, don't slam your *edit* in the drawer.' I think he was drunk."
Hatch: "Of robberies with dwelled levelling of and robberies with levelling of dwelling it examined appeared generally of a information entrance of the opened Window, after that one that they had cleared of Windowbildschir to me. These crimes had appeared in the retardation during the night during day e."
Lucas: "With the information superhighway around rabid wolverines are just an HTTP request away...."
Lucas: "If that had been any funnier, it might have actually been funny."
Hatch: "Jesus was deep. Deep, man."
Madi: "Open-air firing ranges and populated areas just don't mix."
Mage: "He came down with an unexpected case...of murder."
Lucas: Walenczak? That's not a name, that's a bad Scrabble hand!
Madi: "If I'm holding it, it's not your sword."
Hatch: "I can hear the world!"
Lucas: "'Shanghai Surprise'? That sounds like another name for 'diarrhea'."
Mage: "Run like a scalded cat."
Lucas: "Yeah, that banging noise was just my head hitting the wall. Don't worry about it."
Hatch: "One girl gets smashed by a bus; it's great!"
Hatch: "Hey guys, we can get up later tomorrow because we can take showers two at a time."
Hatch: "Un-coed naked volleyball... I'd love it!"
Gohan: He kept staring at me maliciously, and burning all the contents in the garbage can.
Mage: How many people do you know who always flushes the toilet three times?
Hatch: (Listening to radio static, and humming along) Hey! I'm trying to hear the music!
Lucas: I'm starting to worry about Hatch. He's hanging stuffed animals from the ceiling in nooses.
Hatch: (after Lucas found his closet full of the red balloons from Lucky Charms) I'm expecting some visitors, but I can't say any more, or I'll have to suffer the consequences.
Hatch: "AUGH! It's a ROBBER! Oh good, he's dead now..."
Page: "Whoo! What a hand! I sure am glad I wore absorbent undergarments!"
Page: "I'm as busy as a two dollar hooker in Taiwan!"
Hatch: "Plaid socks? PLAID SOCKS? That reminds me of the time I was in Maraqua and got attacked by not just a school, but an entire UNIVERSITY of razor-sharp knifefish! I'm not really sure why. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm scared out of my mind. Excuse me while I flee in terror. AIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"
Hatch: (his worst pet names) 1.Simmypuss, 2.Huggy, 3.Simadoodle, 4.Simbunny, 5.Legs, 6.Simeekins, 7.Simiamouse
oniko:"you're so mean!"
[storms up the stairs]
gohan:"so now what?! you're never going to talk to me again?!"
oniko:[turns around, glares, and contiues to walk.]
gohan: "don't you pull a simoriah on me young lady!"
[SLAM]
sim:can i help?
gohan: no! remember the last time you helped me with my sciencefair project?
flashback~"do it do it!" sim chanted egerlyy as gohan nervously let one drop of neon green liquid fall from one beaker into another.
outside-atomic cloud explodes from roof of their home leaveing a huge hole.~
sim:no...
sim: why don't you come over and sit by me and see a class clown in action
?:so, is you're planning on giving the teacher a hard time is that it?
sim: well that's plan b. plan a was derailed by my purple haired cousin over there
?:well i have a problem with plan b
sim: why?
?: watch.
[walks to front of classroom and sets bag down on teacher's desk.]
?:my name is----- and this is western philosophy
sim: my name is simoriah madoc and this is a terrible coincedence.
?: this is a very hard course and i am a very hard man. you will be haveing a chapter test every week and a pop quiz whenever i feel like haveing fun and i'm a fun loving guy.
sim: i'll bet.
?:today's lesson is on the human perception of truth. skin heads, nudists, and goths. they all have their own perception of how the world works. but they all have something in common. can any of you tell me what that is?
sim: they've all been on montel williams?
sim: there must be some other way for me to get out of this class.
principle: sure there is.
sim:really? how?
principle: make it one of your demands when you climb the bell tower with a rifle
sim: i hate you
trin: what's wrong with you?
sim:i expected adventure. there was no killing, no fighting i was useless!
[sim's only american] teacher: yes simoriah?
sim: why aren't you teaching us the genders of nouns? is "desk" masculine? is "chair" feminin? forigen kids know, but we don't! no wonder we can't compete in a global market! i demand sex education!....wow. i wonder if her doctor knows she mixes all those medications.
ebony: trin, what is sim doing?
trin: walking into the barn naked or so it seems.
ebony: well, what do you think for?
trin: i imagine she's going to hang herself. she's been threatening to do it for months.
ebony: aren't you going to stop her?
trin: naw, i sawed the beam a month ago.
***
sim:[obviously drunk enters barn and looks up at a peice of rope hanging from the center beam] a sign from god. [ties rope into nose , puts it around her neck and climbes on top of a stack of boxes] good-bye cruel world. this is the end to the useless simoriah. [jumps. beam breaks and sim lands hard on the floor.]
***
[trin and ebony watch as barn colapses around sim. ebony looks at trinity.]
trin: i'm a genius. not an enginer!
sim: [comes stumbiling out of debris] trinity! you sawed the beam! admit it!
trin: yes i did and now that you've got that rediciuols idea of killing yourself out of your head, mabey you'll stop feeling sorry for yourself and make yourself useful for a change!
sim: you just wait! i'm going to kill myself...as soon as i'm sober....
trinity: put some clothes on.
[takes off her trench coat and puts it around sim's shoulders]
trinity: [to neo] don't you need big muscles to be wrestler
sim: don't worry, they have dangerous steroids and implants for that.
gohan: oh, did sim tell you? we're going to get married!
trinity: when's she do?
matrix: dad, was i an accident?
gohan: no, you were a suprise
matrix:what's the difference?
gohan:an accident is something that...if you could do it over again you wouldn't and a suprise is something that you didn't know how much you wanted it until you had it
matrix: was oniko an accident?
simoriah: no, oniko was a disaster
Native: Come on my boat! See the sights!
Eat tacos! Get sarcrifi- I mean...
Uhh... Get Sacrificer Merchandise!
Page: Ooo! Sounds fun!
Madi: Are you kidding? Look at that grin on his face!
Hatch: Mmmmmm... tacos...
Hatch: Is it just me, or did that statue just wink at us?
Statue: It's only your imagination.
Hatch: Oh, okay...
Page: It can't get any worse!
Mage: Judging by those roars, rumblings,
growls and giant footsteps, it just did.
Hatch: Do we help or take his money?
Sim: What kind of stupid question is that? Take his money. Duh
Kitty: Is it still alive?
Hatch: Dunno. Let's poke it with a stick.
Page: I drink to make other people interesting.
Hatch: I learned a few things being insane. Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
Lucas: If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.
Shini: Satan! Ha! Satan is a mere mortal to me!
Lex: Now, who is the best minnion to make rule all the pond scum below me.
Cael: But what about the little guys, the ones who are afraid to become evil. Or watch too much late night TV to become good?
Lucas: Satan's in a boyband.
Mage: Save the environment, kill yourself.
Lucas: I'm not smiling because your joke was funny...
I'm smiling because I know you'll be dead someday.
Hatch: "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone,
'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'
Hatch: You've broken my heart... but I have five more in the back freezer.
Lucas: I like looking at nothing...that's why I like to look at you.
Page: Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Lex: All I want is a kind word, a warm bed and unlimited power.
Page: Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to old people breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Page: It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
Madi: It is my observation that too many people are spending money that they haven't earned
to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.
Lucas: People think its fun being a genius but they don't realize how hard it is putting up with all the idiots in this world.
Page: Eskimo's have 49 words in their language to define snow because they have so much of it. In the english language, there are more then 50 ways to define a moron...
Trin: I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Lucas: A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.
Cael: It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mousetrap snap, an Angel gets set on fire.
Flux: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Sim: Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
Neko: I wonder why he shot me?
Neko: Goodbye. I am leaving because I am bored.
Neko: God will never take me alive!
Lucas: Somebody give me a match so I can see where
the gas is coming from!
Hatch: Telling computer guys that they need to have permission to quote things is like having to tell little children about Death.
Sim: Ever notice that the AT&T Logo looks like the DEATH STAR?
Neko: When all else fails, I read my manual.
Neko: As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Lucas: Do androids dream of electric sheep?
Hatch: A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of
dust.
Lucas: The future masters of technology will have to be lighthearted and intelligent.
The machine easily masters the grim and the dumb.
Hatch: Alcohol and calculus don't mix... Don't drink and derive.
Lucas: To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
Sim: As a rule, the more bizarre a thing is, the less mysterious it proves to be.
Neko: Managing programmers is like trying to herd cats.
Hatch: You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
Lucas: A life? Cool! Where can I dowload one?
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